


The Fairy GodPointman

by Xyl_3



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Domestic, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Kid Fic, M/M, Non-Romantic Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:26:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2639783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyl_3/pseuds/Xyl_3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur tries to take a day off and ends up with two children and a forger in his house. Because Cobb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dom Cobb is not my favorite person.
> 
> Dub con warning is for sex as payment in a non-coercive setting.

Arthur was on vacation. More specifically, he was a week into the first vacation he'd taken since Mal had died. Dom had called on Friday to ask about a job, and he'd told him he wasn't available. He had a nice little two bedroom in a suburb of Chicago, and he'd had it for about six years now. He obviously hadn't used it much, but almost no one knew he had it.   
  
Unfortunately,  _almost_ no one wasn't quite the same as no one. It was Sunday morning, and someone was knocking on his door, and he already knew it was Cobb's fault.  
  
*****  
  
He wasn't wrong, but it wasn't Dom on his doorstep.  
  
It was Dom's lawyer. If Dom was up on murder charges again, Arthur was washing his hands of the whole fucking  _world_ and moving somewhere he couldn't be followed. Like the moon, maybe.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked, somewhere between fear and weariness, because, no, he  _wouldn't_  move to space, he'd waste another few years getting hunted down by angry corporations and shot by Dom's dead wife and almost getting sucked into limbo, and maybe he'd just die this time, because Jesus Christ, what does a man have to do to get a fucking vacation?  
  
There were two people behind the lawyer. Two, miniature blond people, and oh shit, those were Dom's kids. What if Dom was dead? What if he'd needed Arthur on this latest job and Arthur had been selfish and just wanted a little time off and Dom had gotten killed?  
  
"Mr. Cobb asked me to take care of arrangements to transfer temporary custodianship of his children to you. If you'll just sign here, he's written you a letter detailing the situation," the lawyer informed him, thrusting a pen and contract at him.  
  
So Dom wasn't dead, then. Obviously. Right. Arthur got a little ridiculous when he wasn't working and finally didn't have to be on all the time. He tried to shift into that mentality, the work one, but this was his home, and it was Sunday morning, and he was still in his pajamas. Granted, they were nice pajamas, but they weren't  _professional_.  
  
He gave the lawyer an unimpressed look. "I'll need to read that before I sign it." He left off the 'obviously' or 'you moron', but it was in his tone all the same. He let them into his house though, and turned to the kids. "Hello Phillipa, James."  
  
"Hello Uncle Arthur," said Phillipa.  
  
James sort of scrunched up his face into a confused pout. Arthur didn't take it personally because, yeah, that was pretty much how he felt too.  
  
"So, um. I have to talk to the lawyer, I guess, but. I have a television? Or, do you want anything? Are you hungry, or thirsty, or...cold?" What do you even do with kids?  
  
"We're fine, Uncle Arthur." Phillipa was apparently the spokesperson of the pair. She led James over to the television and settled him in to watch whatever she would pick.  
  
"Okay. Just let me know."  
  
*******  
  
Arthur had been close to the Cobbs for most of his adult life. He'd been in their wedding, and he'd been named Godfather at the children's christenings, over his many protests. ("I'm  _Jewish_ , Cobb, thanks for noticing.") Mal had sweet talked him into it ("Arthur, we trust you with our lives. Why not our children?") and Cobb had bullied and outright lied to everyone else who might have protested. In retrospect, that should have been the first warning that this would end badly.  
  
He'd spent a fair amount of time at the house while the kids were growing up, and he'd done his share of babysitting. He hadn't been required to do much, luckily, because he was normally working the same jobs they were. After Mal, Arthur had sent the kids things when he could. Once, when Dom had been off on his own, he'd visited them at their grandmother's. Marie had been disapproving, but not wholly unwelcoming. Mal had always liked him, and he hadn't had anything to do with her death. James had recognized his name and Phillipa mostly remembered him, but it had been an awkward trip.  
  
Apparently they know him now.  
  
*******  
  
The papers were what the lawyer had said, temporary guardianship until Dom reclaimed them. Technically, once he signed, Phillipa and James would be his wards. Dom's letter made him want to shoot everything.  
  
 _Arthur_ ,  
 _I'm glad to hear you're taking a vacation, it always seemed like you could use one._  Arthur forced his hands to unclench.  _I've decided to start working again, as I said, so it's great that you'll be available to watch my kids. There aren't many people I'd trust with a job that big. If you decide to come back, Marie or Miles might be willing to watch them for a while._  Arthur hissed unconsciously.  _Dreamshare moves too quickly to stay out of for long, I know._  
Dom Cobb  
  
Arthur was so angry he could barely see. He glared at the lawyer. "You stay right here and watch them while I make some calls," he ordered, and slipped out his front door.  
  
******  
  
"Cobb,  _what the fuck_. You cannot just re-gift your children. It took four years and an inception to get you back to them and then you just wander off? You get  _the fuck_  back here and reclaim your offspring before I put a price on your head.  _How dare you_?"  
  
Arthur hadn't planned any farther than cussing Dom out, but he realized with a sinking feeling that the man was just going to ignore his messages and leave him with the kids.   
  
He couldn't possibly foist James and Phillipa off on their grandparents just because he didn't know what to do with them, but he really didn't think he could manage on his own. He placed another call instead of going back inside.  
  
"Eames. I need you to come out to Illinois  _right now_."  
  
"Arthur, I already have a job. And hello to you, too."  
  
"Eames, I will triple your pay. Just get out here." Arthur was pretty sure he was fighting off a panic attack as the rage wore off and the shock set in.  
  
"Ah, but what about my integrity? People might think I could be bought."  
  
Normally this would be where Arthur made a comment about Eames generally lacking integrity or selling them out, but instead he simply continued wildly. "Name your price. Whatever you want."  
  
"Well darling, there's always sexual favors," Eames joked. "I always want  _you_ , and I still haven't gotten a single kiss." Or rather, he was joking right up until Arthur  _agreed_.  
  
"Done. Mr. Eames, I  _guarantee_ that if you come out here I will lay one on you like you wouldn't believe. Right away. In fact, if you get here in the next 36 hours, I'll give you a blow job too. And you can add another one for every hour you're early. That means if you were to walk in right now, I'd owe you thirty-six blowjobs."  
  
Eames was pretty sure he was gaping unattractively. He also had never wished so hard to be in any one place before, much less Illinois. He might have been in shock, but he was still an opportunist.  
  
"Fifty." Fifty hours didn't even  _make sense_. Fuck.  
  
"Forty eight." Arthur could make it two days. Probably.  
  
"Done." He felt like there must be a catch, to get such a good deal. "I can claim them whenever?"  
  
Arthur stopped himself just short of agreeing carte blanche. "Not if it's dangerous, and not while there are minors present," he hedged.  
  
"Agreed," because really, those were barely conditions. Arthur hadn't even said they couldn't be in the middle of the warehouse while planning a job, which was terribly remiss of him. "What's the job then?"  
  
Arthur made a terrible sound at that. Eames actually physically recoiled.  
  
"Arthur? Are you okay?"  
  
"No," the man answered bluntly. "Just tell me when your flight gets in and I'll pick you up. We can talk about it after." He paused. "You are coming, right?" He sounded almost unsure.  
  
"I'll be there," Eames promised.  
  
Arthur hung up and went back inside to sign the papers and face the children. Fuck.  
  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I think in cannon the kids are younger, but I'm putting them at 2&4 at Mal's death, 4+ years with Dom on the run, and another half year with him at home. Phillipa is 9 and James is 7 here.

Eames stepped into the baggage area and spotted Arthur. He looked- well, honestly he looked better than 90% of the people in the room. His suit was perfect, but his eyes were wild and his hair was slightly out of place, which was the Arthurian equivalent of having developed a nervous twitch and a three-day beard.

He suddenly felt bad about making Arthur's life harder than it needed to be and resigned himself to not bringing up the kiss until they were alone. He would absolutely be needing that though. The blow jobs, well. He supposed holding them over Arthur's head forever would be a possible, if empty, consolation.

"Arthur, old chap-" he called out as Arthur approached him swiftly.

The younger man grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him enthusiastically. Passionately. As if they were long lost lovers reunited, as opposed to occasional colleagues kissing for the first time as part of a business transaction.

One of Arthur's hands migrated to the back of Eames's head to control the kiss, while the other crept towards his neck to rest delicately against his chest, fingers curled over onto his back, and thumb resting lightly on his collarbone.

Eames's own arms crossed low around Arthur's waist to crush their bodies together and Eames suddenly realized he was rock hard. He felt dizzy on sensation and shock.

When they finally broke the kiss, Eames was dazed enough to follow as he was towed off. He realized with mounting confusion that they weren't headed towards the exit, but before he had a chance to ask, he was being shoved into a bathroom and then against the wall of a stall as he was kissed again.

Arthur's clever fingers opened his trousers and Eames moaned brokenly as a hand reached into his pants to extract his prick. Arthur pulled a condom out of his own pocket and wasted no time opening it and sliding it onto Eames.

A white-hot bolt of lust slammed though him at the thought of Arthur planning this. Then Arthur sank gracefully to his knees and just- swallowed him down. It was all Eames could do not to come immediately. "Fuck, Arthur," he gasped.

Arthur hummed in response and pulled off just enough to look up at him.

The sight of Arthur kneeling in his fancy suit on a (miraculously clean and empty) loo floor with his lips stretched around Eames's prick was honestly too much. He held out for about thirty seconds before coming violently.

***************

"So." They were in Arthur's car, driving back to his place. The silence wasn't awkward so much as heavy. Eames was still feeling a little post-coital and Arthur was thinking. "What am I here for?"

An unreadable expression flashed across Arthur's face, and Eames was suddenly reminded of the sound he'd made on the phone. This time he only gave a harsh little choked off laugh, but it was still heartbreaking.

"I- there's a letter in the glove compartment. Just- read it."

Dom's letter was mental. He tried to imagine poor, perfect Arthur waking up to two children and this letter on his doorstep. The worst part was that Arthur really was loyal and brave and good enough to take them in exactly like Dom thought he would.

"The kids are at my neighbor's right now, but I - fuck - I can't."

Eames wanted to say something about Cobb's faults - which they both knew - or Arthur's strengths - which were many - or even just be sympathetic, but what came out was "Well, if I'm going to be your other half, I'm going to have to demand frequent sex."

And Arthur flashed a smile at him, like- Well, not like- Like he was doing Arthur a favor and being wonderful about it, but not at all like Arthur had any interest in having sex with him. "How much?"

He asked for once a day, but let Arthur bargain him down to five times a week - which was still a bloody lot - plus the sixteen more blow jobs he had earned by making the trip in 31 hours. Arthur seemed to relax further as they made their deal, which was both relieving and tragic. He wondered where his earlier resolve to not take advantage of Arthur had gone, but he figured he must have binned it in the loo along with the rubber Arthur had blown him in.

Arthur, for his part, was aware that he was basically whoring himself out, but really couldn't bring himself to care. Eames was attractive enough once you got past the clothes, smart, competent, and fairly trustworthy at this point in their acquaintance. Under regular circumstances, Arthur wouldn't have bedded him, but he couldn't say he was particularly opposed. Beyond that, however, Arthur was just plain desperate, and would have agreed to a lot more to have Eames stay. The fact that Eames had seen that and offered, price or no, made Arthur grateful enough to want to kiss him again.

*******

"This is my- This is Eames." Arthur introduced him when they picked up the kids. "Eames, Mrs. Wilson. Was everything okay?"

"You look better, dear." Mrs. Wilson remarked. She was in her late sixties and lived alone. "The children are asleep, but they were no trouble at all." She looked at Eames shrewdly as Arthur went to collect them. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." He carefully looked away from her. "Thank you for helping him. Arthur's very capable, but this was a bit of a shock."

The woman harrumphed, but seemed amused as she led him into her house.

******

Eames had never actually met the children before. He had worked with Cobb only after Mal's death. Mal, who had been much more comfortable about shady characters, had worked with him a few times, years before. He'd only seen her once after Phillipa had been born and she'd shown him a few pictures, but never introduced them.

******

Arthur was leaned up against the doorway watching the kids sleep.

"When was the last time you slept?" Eames asked.

"Saturday night. Sunday morning. I was on vacation."

"You don't take vacations, darling," Eames reminded him.

"Cobb has this funny way of ruining them," Arthur agreed with a huff, and he pushed off the wall. "Come on, let's get them home."

********

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about any POV/tense issues.  
> Not sorry about using all the commas.


End file.
